I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
