Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
