you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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