WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
