i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
