she woke up with a sticky ear
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
