all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
