Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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