I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
