Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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