I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
