the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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