If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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