you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
