he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
