My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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