Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
