Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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