My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
