if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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