I think I won the penis lottery.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
