we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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