Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who died my cat blue again?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
