I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
