do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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