glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
