I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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