She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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