our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize