P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
