well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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