We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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