I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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