I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
