It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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