i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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