Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
