I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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