i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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