dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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