I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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