fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
