It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
