I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
