i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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