I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
