i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
