I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
