I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
