You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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