I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
