He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
