Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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