the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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