I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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