I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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