we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
