you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
