just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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