I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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