Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
